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Thinking of you 

I feel the reason I have held on this long was because there was never any real closure. We just argued or ignored each other. Nothing was really done face to face. It's so unreal to me that every fond memory is becoming a haze, and as it slowly fades, I grasp with all my might to hold on to it.

We ended as fast as we started. One day the light was green and the next it was red. We had a lot of good times when things were green. The way you made me feel, I could not possibly forget. You treated me with respect and looked at me in a way no one has ever looked at me before. It was real… at least it felt very real. We had fun and could talk for hours. When we were not doing that, we would just lay. I never felt so comfortable and safe. I could tell you how I was feeling and you would tell me how you were feeling, we were on the same page. Then things changed.

I told you I was developing deeper feelings for you and that I was scared of those feelings because I didn't want to get hurt. I guess this triggered something in you to pull the brakes, and quick. You told me you had feelings too, but that we were bad timing. There is so much you want to do and accomplish and you couldn't serve two masters. Your career was just starting to take off and the time we usually had every week together was now getting taken away due to traveling. On top of that, you were emotionally drained. Your ex did a number on you and you never thought you would like someone or even have a girlfriend so soon. You didn't want to care or be committed to caring. This hit me like a ton of bricks. Not only was I speechless at first, but confused. I knew the feelings were real and now you were running from them.

We argued for weeks and when you didn't want to hear me talk anymore, you just stopped responding. It drove me crazy and just confused me more. Sometimes out of anger or emotion, I was saying things I definitely didn't mean, or talking in circles that didn't make sense and not relaying what I really wanted to say. I just felt how could someone who says they care about you and not want to hurt you give you the silent treatment and how could you not see that was just making things worse...

Because I am so passionate and caring, and the fact that I don't half ass anything, is the reason why I fight and why I was fighting for you. You were pulling away and I just kept fighting, not giving up. Then one day you wake up and realize you can't fight or even remotely control something you do not have control over. That truth made me really sad and sometimes angry. The truth hurt. The truth that you are not ready and there is nothing that I can possibly do to change your mind. It didn't matter if I am a good person or if I have a good heart or that I am the whole package and if things were good. Your mind was made up and you were going to do you.

We said we would be friends and man am I trying, but you keep pushing me away which just leads to more confusion. Do you now not even want that or is it deeper or maybe more simple that that…. I am not sure and so much energy is just being wasted on the thought.

So here I am after months of going back and forth about you to arrive at this conclusion, that it is time to really let it go. What we had for that short amount of time was real and it was great and that is the hardest thing to say goodbye to because there was so much hope and potential, but it is what is. I've been holding on to this hope because I really believed in you. Maybe one day we really can be friends. Maybe one day things will go back to what they were. Then again, maybe they wont. But what I do know is, that the time we did have together was beautiful and great and ever take that away.

onclick="startGateway('OTQ0NjA5');" POSTED BY ALBA ACOSTA

TELLTHE PEOPLE YOU LOVE


ITS IMPORTANT TO TELL THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE.

ONE DAY YOU WILL  THINKING WHY I AM NOT TELLING HER
WHAT I FEEL ABOUT HER THEN YOU FEEL VERY GUILTY
SO , DO NOT WAIT FOR RIGHT TIME.
 IF YOU LOVE HER TRULY  THEY UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELING.

I have always loved you, and you know that.

Ever since I was fifteen years old, when we laid under the trees, learning and growing in love.

I have tried to let you go and find someone that moves me more than you, but no one can beat the way you make me feel. Being around you lifts me up - not only do I feel fifteen again, but you make me feel like I couldn’t be anyone better but the person I am when I am with you.

You live there, and I live here, which is why it has never worked.

I would have followed you always, and you knew that, but only now are you telling me you want me to. I am scared.

I’m scared of how much I love you, I am scared that you aren’t the person I am in love with, I am scared you don’t love me as much as I love you, I am scared you are going to hurt me again, and I am scared of what it means to be trying with you.

I wish we could go back under the trees when we were fifteen, I wish life wasn’t complicated, I wish we could fall into sweet, all-consuming love and I wouldn’t be scared of the past nine years and how much you can move me.

You are heaven - I see my whole life with you.

But are you simply a fantasy? Maybe that’s why I am scared.

How to run away from that person who loves you

I’ve been with him for just over a year. I’m a runner by nature. As in,
when things start to get serious, when they start to feel permanent, I
leave the man I am with. This is one is pretty much perfect. Kind,
considerate, handsome, affectionate, generous, head over heels in love
with me. So in love with me, that it scares me. How can he get so

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invested? He says he wants to build his life around me. The thought scares                                                                                                                      

me. I am down to earth, practical, a career first kind of girl. I wanted
to build my life around a place, a job, a career. Once all that was
settled, I figured I would meet someone and fall in love and maybe even
settle down. But love happened first. And now I am unsure whether to keep
it. Unsure because the longer I am with him, the more in love with me he
is, and all the while I am not sure if I will stay here. Maybe I’ll
travel, maybe I’ll go to grad school, maybe I’ll take a job across the
continent or even the world. I am unsure if he fits into those plans or
not. And because I’m afraid, because he is blameless, I have started
picking little fights, being stand-offish, secretly hoping to send him
over the edge and force him to break up with me, because I’m too cowardly
to be the bad guy. But I can’t push him away like the others, he sees
through it, and holds tight. It fills me with happiness and breaks my
heart all at the same time.

So to the people that are like me, and run away when they get scared of
the intensity of their feelings or the feelings of the one they’re with,
what do I do? Did you regret running away? Or was it better for you in the
long run, and less hurtful to the person you left?

To the people that got left behind, do you wish he or she had stayed? Or
was leaving you the best thing they ever did for you in the end?

I just want to put it out there that it’s not that I feel I don’t deserve
to be loved. I’m just not sure if this is the time or place to be in so
deep. I am afraid how madly and selflessly he loves me. It’s like I’m his
air or something. It’s frightening, but thrilling. But can you love too much?